Wow, this is intimidating for sure...

And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God,
~Titus 2:12

Doesn't that sound so grown up??

Righteousness

Wow, there are a lot of verses that have the word "righteousness" in them! This is going to be a much bigger study than I thought.

I have been thinking about righteousness because of this verse, But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Math 6:33) The NLT translation says it this way, Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

I have loved this verse for a long time, but I have overlooked the part about righteousness. Probably because even the word righteousness intimidates me. A lot. It used to scare me to death, before I realized Jesus gives us HIS righteousness because He knew we couldn't be righteous on our own. But even after realizing that, I tried to ignore righteousness because there seems to be so much responsibility in it and such potential for failure. I feel my heart changing about righteousness though. ONLY because God has put His Holy Spirit in me, I can learn how to do what is right. Right by God's standards, not man's.

Is righteousness just doing what is right by God's standards? Is it that simple? I do so want to please Him...

Blogging again...

It has been a long, hard summer. But good. God has done some amazing things in my family. I really wish it didn't take pain and tragedy for us to draw closer to Him. Well, it doesn't always, but that does seem the usual route. I have been thinking a lot about righteousness lately. What is it exactly? What does it mean to be righteous and live righteously? I am hoping to have time to really dig into this subject and blog about it soon. :)

I am so glad Jesus said this:

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish."

Loving Him...

My family is going through a very hard time right now. I don't want to go into details publicly. I just want to say how amazing God is. He keeps showing up in so many little ways. The other day I was wishing there were more birds in our yard. Right now, I am sitting at my kitchen table while a pair of doves build a nest in our wisteria, right outside the window. And He knows doves cooing are one of my favorite sounds. I have been all stressed out about which purse to buy (not that I am super concerned about that now that we are in crisis) but my friend sent me one that I love, unexpectedly. And the sun is shining with the wind blowing just a little bit, which is my favorite weather. But most of all, I feel my God teaching me to trust Him more. Trusting that He loves me and delights in my love (as small as it is) and has good plans for my life and for my family, no matter how painful they are. And that makes everything right.

Why do we reject God's ways????

I keep thinking about these verses: This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. (Is 30:15) I could be living with a quiet, trusting, restful, strong heart and mind. I have moments of that, but I don't LIVE there. And I could. It is a choice. I want to learn to make better choices. I don't want to neglect the repentance either. That is were it all starts. Instead of freaking out in insecurity because I am sure I am sinning or afraid I am sinning, I can go straight to my Savior and start this beautiful repentance process. I can do it all day long, if I need to. He is big enough. And patient enough. And loving enough. And He wants us to live in strength and dignity. He died so we could be free and in fellowship with Him. I want to choose LIFE!!!!!!!!

Under Whose Influence?

So, I don't like revelations that make me see the ugly parts of me as much as I like revelations that show the wonderfulness of God.

The good thing is He is willing to exchange our ugly for His beauty if we are willing to cooperate.

I have realized lately that I try and "steer" people a lot. Only for their own good, of course. (insert eye-roll here) I am guessing that another label for that could be arrogance. Ugg, I feel like banging my head on the wall just writing that.

I have gotten better, because I used to try and "steer" people into doing what I wanted and now I try and steer them into doing what I think God wants. I have realized He is perfectly capable of guiding His people without my help.

Well, actually, there are times when He does call me to influence but I want to influence under His command, not my own wisdom. My own wisdom does not see the whole picture, only a tiny piece. If He tells me to speak I want to obey, whether it makes sense or not. If I don't feel prompted by Him, I want to keep my mouth shut and my heart pure and trust Him to lead His people however He sees fit.

I am hoping not too many of you are jumping up and down, praising Him for revealing this to me. :)

Not worthy, but so grateful.

I have to blog about this because I don't ever want to forget it. And I don't want anyone to think I am bragging because I am humbled to the core (right now, anyway) and so amazed at God's mercy and love. Keep in mind my daughter has one of the sweetest hearts on earth as well.

Laney: Mama, you're the best mom on earth!

Me: You mean for you, right? I know there are better moms out there than me!

Laney: No, I mean you are the best mom on earth.

Me: Baby, I am not even nice!

Laney: Mom, I don't know how to say it. (thoughtful pause) It's not who you are as a mom, it's like who you are as a person, even though you are crabby a lot!

I never thought my kids would esteem me so highly. Not ever. I am so grateful. And I know the teen-age years are coming, so I am treasuring this moment.

:)

I am feeling very full today. Satisfied with life. I am going to enjoy it like crazy. I am LOVING the new Breaking Free study, although I am driving myself to distraction trying to decide if I am really free or not. But today I am just going to believe that I am. I am alive and free because of what Jesus did for me! He is making me like Himself and He will not fail. And I am going to be choose to be content with where I am in the process. Today. At least this morning. :)

Obsessing about Salt

Funny how it took me a couple hours to realize that Salt and Light go together. :)

I read this yesterday morning and am still thinking about it: Luke 14:31 “Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? 32 And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. 33 So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.
34 “Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? 35 Flavorless salt is good neither for the soil nor for the manure pile. It is thrown away. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!”

Now, we have heard teachings on salt but I still think it is weird that Jesus is talking about counting the cost of being His disciple and then He starts talking about salt. And it isn't like they started out talking about salt, or food, or preserving stuff and came back to it. He just jumps right into talking about salt. Could it be we are only truly salt after we have given up everything that we think we own and followed Him obsessively? Lots to ponder...

Longing for Light

Luke 11:34 34 “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is bad, your body is filled with darkness. 35 Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. 36 If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.”

I really want to know what those verses mean. I am wondering if they are about how we look at situations and people in our lives? If we see them in God's light or not? In the light of His love or not? In the light of His truth or not?

I want my whole life to be radiant!

Here's my hope: Psalm 18:28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. Yay!

Time's A-flyin'

Whew, I can't believe it has been a week since Retreat already. It went by so fast. I am still observing the changes that God has made in my heart. I feel stronger in a quiet, peaceful way. And that is good because crazy things started happening before we even left Camp Bradley!

I think my favorite thing about the Retreat was seeing the women relate to each other. I have never seen them appear so comfortable and open with each other. My prayer is always that they would minister to one another because that is what the Church is all about. This year, they did. The baptisms were unforgettable and will be special to me for eternity, I believe.

Today the weather is beautiful, my husband is patiently (yes, a small miracle) teaching Devin how to mow the lawn and I am about to go get groceries and then we are going to go to my brothers and eat the small number of morel mushrooms that we gathered from our all-day search in the sunshine yesterday.

I love Spring. I love God. I love it when everything feels good and right. I have learned to enjoy those times...

My prayer at the moment, thanks Tammy!

"O Lord, work powerfully, creatively; move in majesty. Send the Divine communication of knowledge, send the impelling mental force of the Holy Spirit acting within us to overshadow our intellect and personalities. Come in power, for Jesus' sake. Amen" ~A.W. Tozer

Kinda strange but I like it!

I have been running very hot and cold with the blogging lately. Sorry about that. Our Women's Retreat is in a week and a half and I have been super busy. I wanted to get on here this morning and write about a verse I can't quit thinking about though.

Psalm 85:10Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.

I have been on a quest for peace the last month or so and I keep thinking about this verse. What does it mean Lord? The only thing I have come up with is that from His unfailing love and faithfulness, He gives us His righteousness and His peace, if we are His. It may mean more, but that is what I have been thinking about.

I keep picturing righteousness and peace being strong enough and comfortable enough to kiss in my soul. And yes, I do find that a little weird but what a wonderful thing to think about. For so long, I did not understand that Jesus gives us His righteousness and I was in despair, knowing I would never have any of my own. And as far as peace goes, that would be just as impossible without Him. If you know me at all you know I am not a peaceful person on my own.

I LOVE how He gives us what we are so desperate for! And that is after He makes us desperate for the truly good stuff in the first place...

Philippians 2:13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Everything We Need

Saturday morning, the sun was streaming into my living room and kitchen and it made me so happy. I was talking to my kids about it and Laney says, "Mom, we don't like the sun as much as you do." And I said, "What???" She said, "I like the sun, but you are like a sun freak!" And Gabe says, "Yeah Mom, the sun sorta hurts my eyes." First of all, I was surprised because I thought everyone loves the sun like I do and then I thought it was funny that my daughter put it the way she did. But it was really neat because when we went to church on Sunday, I think every worship song we sang said something about the sun. We sang that "Glorious One" song that says, "Light of the world, You outshine the sun." This morning, I read Psalms 84:11 which says, "For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." I love that He can warm up our soul the way the sun can warm up our bodies. That we need Him to grow and flourish in any way that matters. I love that He shines His face upon us and it is all we need. Since, you know, He is also the Living Water and Bread of Life. ♥

First Correction of Last Post

I don't believe Jesus was saying we shouldn't want food and clothes and laughter and riches. In speaking of these things as often as he did, he was more saying he knows those are the things we will want. But he is telling us, "There is something better than those things, don't focus on what you don't have on this earth, don't work and strive for these temporary things, live for the Kingdom of Heaven. You won't be sorry if you give up your life and wants and wishes, for my will."

He is so wonderful and wise. My heart is singing to Him right now. But my sick, whiny kids are about to get up, don't know how long it will last. Because, you know, I haven't learned to live beyond my circumstances very well yet. :)

Do we live like we believe this?

So, I just finished reading Luke 6 and realized how much I am not living this out. To think this is what we are supposed to desire is shocking to my system. Kinda turns everything all upside down:

20Looking at his disciples, he said: "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. (I always thought this was for poor people, not for me, so they could feel better about their circumstances, very embarrassing admission.) 21Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. (I hate being hungry and find it very annoying and painful) Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. (I much prefer laughter to weeping) 22Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man (I thought we were supposed to live in such a way that no one can find any fault with us, let alone call us evil! ) 23"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, (I more picture myself bawling on the floor under these circumstances) because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.

24"But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. 25Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. 26Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets. (This is more how I see American Christian, myself included, living our "lives of faith")

It seems to me that we pray for the direct opposite of what Jesus was saying here. And I don't think we need to whip ourselves and start wearing hair shirts, life has many opportunities for suffering. I just realized how much of my time and energy and focus is on having all these things that Jesus tells us we should do without. Whoa. Scary moment!

Wonderful Wirlwind Weekend

This weekend was so fun. It was Delayna's 11th Bday party. The kids went rollerskating and spent the night at Julene's since it was also Riley's 11th Bday party. And I farmed the rest of the kids out, so Jason and I had our (I think) 4th night/day alone in 14 years! Kala also unexpectedly came to town and surprised everyone which was so great because we have been missing her so much since she moved up to Timbuktu (Wallawa County). So we all went to Porters and spent way too much money but it was yummy and it was so wonderful to all be together again. AND Jason and I finally got cell phones, so make sure you get my number if you want it. Incoming calls are free. So I may be able to stay under my minutes. :)

More from John Franklin (slightly re-arranged by Tawny)

I have wanted a good definition of this for years, I think I finally have one.

Walking with God:
Paying the price in time, prayer, and sacrifice to understand God's perspective of our life and work. Once understanding it, diligently setting about our Father's business. As we pour out our lives in rolled-up sleeves, sweat (tears!) and service for His purposes, we will feel God's power course through us. When this pattern of seeing as God sees and working with Him become a day-in, day-out lifestyle, the Bible calls it "walking with God."

In the book of Acts the entire church demonstrated this kind of relationship with God and consequently the power of God flowed through the whole church.

Doesn't that sound amazing??!

The Importance of Corporate Prayer

I am reading a book one of my friends gave me called, "And the Place Was Shaken" by John Franklin. I only read the first couple of chapters but I LOVED it and wanted to share. He studied Jesus' teachings on prayer and according to him, "Out of those thirty-seven verses [from the Gospels] the word you was plural in thirty-three of the thirty-seven verses. You can be either singular or plural in English, but there is a difference in the Greek. Given the individualistic nature of American society, most people tend to read it as a singular even when the opposite is true."

So far, this guy's point is that God moves much more powerfully when two or three are met together in His name, asking for His will. The author says that in the Old Testament God moved much more often when just one person prayed, (and He still can and will) but in the New Testament, under the New Covenant, God is more often moved by His people asking for something together. He also says that God's people were never described as His Body until the New Testament and that is part of the reason the author believes God wants His people to pray together. It is part of our inter-dependence.

This rings so true to me. I see God's people LOVING to pray together in the New Testament. I have also walked in late by to a prayer meeting before and been overwhelmed by the beauty of God's people praying together. I didn't realize that my heart was so moved because His heart is. I have also received shockingly clear answers when I pray with other people about something that I don't normally receive when I just pray by myself.

I am very excited to pray with His people tonight!

I ♥ SPRING!

What a wildly wonderful world, God! You made it all, with Wisdom at your side, made earth overflow with your wonderful creations. Oh, look—the deep, wide sea, brimming with fish past counting, sardines and sharks and salmon. Ships plow those waters, and Leviathan, your pet dragon, romps in them. All the creatures look expectantly to you to give them their meals on time. You come, and they gather around; you open your hand and they eat from it. If you turned your back, they'd die in a minute— Take back your Spirit and they die, revert to original mud; Send out your Spirit and they spring to life— the whole countryside in bloom and blossom.

Psalms 104:24 The Message

March Discipline

Walking and praying. Together. As often as possible. But not in the rain. Drizzle is ok, but no rain.

Needy! Needy I am.

It has been a long time since I haven't got up before my kids. Jason tells me good-bye at 5am and I usually get up, drink some coffee and read my Bible and pray until 6:15 or so, get ready for work and then get my kids up. I don't know if Jason told me good-bye or not this morning, but I know I didn't wake up until Gabe started wandering around the house talking about the quesidillas he had to make this morning for a school project. I was CRANKY! It made me laugh. Ok, definitely still need to spend time with God before I am fit to be with humans!

Honoring the Body

I guess I should report in how my February discipline of honoring the body is going.

Interestingly.

I didn't end up following that plan - surprise, surprise. But I have been thinking a lot about what it means to honor my body and have learned for sure that I don't. It is more like a punching bag to take my anxiety out on. So, lots of room to grow in this area.

Unfailing Love

I have been devouring the Psalms lately. I usually am only so-so about the Psalms which is strange because I love David so much. But I get tired of all of his vengeance issues. (Is that a guy thing, or a personality thing?) They haven't been bothering me lately though. I am just finding the Psalms so comforting and relevant to what my heart seems to need right now. I have also been noticing how often the psalmist speak of trusting in God's "unfailing love". Over and over, talking about His unfailing love. His love never fails. Mine does. Yours does. His doesn't. We can trust in Him alone. So glad.

Toothbrush Drama

I few weeks ago, my facebook status said this: Tawny Moore just realized that singing while you are brushing your teeth can get messy. :)

This morning I realized that crying while you brush your teeth can be dangerous! If you do one of those inhale, sobby things you will inhale a bunch of toothpaste and possibly choke yourself.

I did both the singing and the crying while praying, so I must conclude that praying while you brush your teeth can make for a very interesting start to a day!

February Practice

I have been thinking about my February discipline...

I keep remembering Ron's sermon when he talked about the different areas of our life; spiritual, intellectual, physical, emotional and I can't remember the last one, financial? Blech. No, wait, it was social, much better! I know I am weakest in the physical area. One of the magazines I like has a 28 day taking better care of yourself plan and Feb has 28 days this year. Combining all that with my rapidly increasing feelings of insanity during my curseful part of the month, I am thinking I should work on my physical self in February. I will make February my "honoring the body" month.

Physical stuff has always bored me to death unless I get myself all pumped up on vanity, which God won't let me do anymore, so I do not do a very good job of taking care of my physical self. I do get enough sleep. I love to exercise, I just love to read more. I do eat decent (I love fruits and veggies and whole grains) when I take the time to prepare something instead of just eating whatever is closest or easiest, or am not eating too much because I forgot to eat before and got too hungry. And also as long as there isn't anything sweet around. :)

I am actually afraid to do this though. I have failed almost completely staying off the computer in Jan, so what makes me think I can attempt an even bigger project in Feb? Oh, well, I can attempt it of course, but do attempts even count??? They don't for losing weight, I know that for sure, but I think they must for pleasing God. Otherwise, there wouldn't be any hope for us! And just for the record, I am NOT doing this to lose weight. I am doing this to hopefully help my body combat whatever is making me almost lose my mind 2 weeks out of every month! And attempting to practice some discipline. I will NEVER be good at that if God doesn't help me!

Wondering...

1 Corinthians 1:8-10 (New Living Translation)

8 He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. 9 God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

What do you suppose it means to be in "partnership" with Jesus?

Simple Pleasures

This has been a very strange weekend. My RAGING hormonal problems have revealed some things about my heart to me. First off, there is still a part of me that Jesus' light needs to penetrate, a part that is still dark and horrible. I thought it was gone. God will have to take care of that. I don't know what I can do about it. Second of all, I am paranoid of pleasure. I have always loved simple pleasures. Water, sunlight, books, good food, going to bed at night. But I am also deeply afraid that I will love those things more than God, so there is a whole lot of fear mixed in with my thankfulness, which almost ruins it completely. I realized how ridiculous that is. There was a time in my life that I may have loved other pleasures more than God Himself, but not now. I know He is the greatest, most delightful, most rewarding pleasure available to us humans. I hope this knowledge sets me free to enjoy the simple pleasures that God has provided for us to enjoy. I am hoping I can think of them as "little glimpses of heaven" where everything will be good and pure and pleasurable and I won't automatically feel anxious every time I enjoy something. Oh, and I am going to start taking B vitamins again too!

Not just wishful thinking...

All of these spiritual discipline books I have been reading talk a lot about transformation. I have always been fascinated by transformation. Definitely a "Ugly Duckling and the Swan" fan. And a Grease and Grease 2 fan. :) I love that I am believing now that God loves transformation even more than I do. He wants to make us like Jesus. I have heard that and known that for years but now I am realizing how delightful and beautiful that is. I always thought about it from a more external perspective, as in, we are supposed to act like Him. But to realize we can learn how to be like Him on the inside; to think like Him, to love like Him, to have His joy and His hope and His wisdom. Talk about healthy! :)

Favorite quotes from "The Life You've Always Wanted." Finished it.

Now, with God's help, I shall become myself. ~ Soren Kierkgaard

I could not quiet that pearly ache in my heart that I diagnosed as the cry of home. ~Pat Conroy

The primary goal of spiritual life is transformation....If we cannot be transformed, we will settle for being informed or conformed. ~ John Ortberg

Tragically, conventional religious goodness manages to be both intimidating and unchallenging at the same time. ~ Steven Mosley

A Christian is a perfectly free lord of all, subject to none.
A Christian is a perfectly dutiful servant of all, subject to all.
~Martin Luther

Joy is the serious business of heaven. ~CS Lewis

God is the happiest being in the universe...And God's intent was that his creation would mirror his joy....Joy is a command. Joylessness is a serious sin, one that religious people are particularly prone to indulge in...Joy is strength. Its absence will create weakness.~John Ortberg

We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. ~ Winston Churchhill

If the Bible were to completely fulfill its mission, our minds would be so transformed - so filled with thoughts and feelings of truth, love, joy, and humility - that our lives would become one uninterrupted series of acts of grace and moral beauty. ~ John Ortberg

It's morphing time. ~John Ortberg

Singing Heart

I am so very much rejoicing right now!

Something I have been longing for, for years, is happening.

I usually miss these moments.

I worry that it is not REALLY happening.

Or that it won't last.

Not this time. God is doing it.

I am just rejoicing.

Update

So, I was driving into work today, feeling like a failure. Because I am failing. And I realized my failures do not diminish God's love for me one bit. He still loves me passionately. And that is enough for me to have joy and even be content in the midst of my failure. He will not fail to make me who He wants me to be. I am willing, He is able. It is amazing to me that my best is good enough for Him, even when it isn't good at all.

Thank you LORD that my life is not about me, it is about You!

Ugg...

I am not good at this denying myself stuff. I got on the computer last night. I was bored and cranky and pretty much out of control with every area of my life. I yelled at my kids, ate a bunch of cookies I didn't even want and then came and got on the computer. Not for long. Jason came and told me the longer I was on here the worse I would feel and made me get off. So I went and ate some more cookies. Good thing I am not fasting! :)

I am going to restart again today. I didn't check my emails before I got on here to confess my failures and I am getting off right now!

Oh and I also have to complain that there was a big tub of yogurt in my cupboard this morning, I guess I should have been paying a little bit more attention as my children put the groceries away, but really, they don't know yogurt goes in the fridge yet???

It may be a VERY long day! I better go pray some more...

Glory

I was feeling badly this morning because I prayed last night, in front of some people, and I thanked God that it is through surrendering to Him, bending our knees and our wills to Him, that we receive everything we have always wanted. I went on to acknowledge that for me, anyway, it is through brokenness that I receive joy. When I allow my heart to be broken by my sin and unlikeness to Christ, He strengthens and encourages me. He changes me and that gives me great joy. I am fine with all that, but then I went on to thank Him that He came to earth in brokenness and not with pomp and glory like we would. And I am feeling badly because that is not true. He did come in glory and He was not broken. But He came in His kind of glory, not ours. He made himself vulnerable and He put himself in situations and He responded in ways that made people think He was weak or arrogant or extreme. He let Himself be misunderstood, by people He loved dearly. He went to the Cross. He only cared about doing the will of the Father. That is true glory. I want to be like that.

His will. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.

(That was in the book I am reading called Sacred Rhythms and I loved it!)

Help me Lord, I am soooooo far from that right now...

So...

if I talk my family into reading my emails to me, is that cheating? ;)

Practicing, Day 1

What a lovely morning. Other than my slight headache from staying up until 1:00 am. We just ate sausage and biscuits and my mom's fresh eggs. Oh and grapefruit and coffee and are getting ready to take a walk.

And nope, I did not check my emails when I got on the computer to write this. And it wasn't even hard. Of course, this is hour two, of day one, so I am assuming it will get much harder.

I read part of "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg this morning. I thought I had read it, but if I did, it must not have been the right time, because I am LOVING it now and I don't even remember it from before.

Anyway, there were a couple things I found very encouraging because I am not a very disciplined person by nature. First off, he said Abraham Lincoln was "notoriously disorganized." Abe had a file in his law office labeled"If you can't find it anywhere else, try looking here." I put a smiley face by that!

Then John wrote this, "A disciplined follower of Jesus-a "disciple"- is not someone who has "mastered the disciplines" and never misses a daily regimen of spiritual exercises. A disciplined follower of Jesus is someone who discerns when laughter, gentleness, silence, healing words, or prophetic indignation is called for, and offers it promptly, effectively, and lovingly."

I can be excited about that!