Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Hidden and Secret

So, I am thinking about this "hidden life" thing more. If it applies to all believers, which of course it does, I don't need to be quite so "discerning" as I have been. Jesus will redeem all of us. He will heal all our diseases and complete our lack, remove any deceptions we still have and give us knowledge of Himself. We will all be complete and whole before Him and each other some day. Our weaknesses and blind spots won't last forever. So we don't need worry about those so much. They are temporary, earthly concerns. We can trust that someday, we will all finally "get it". (Usually the one thing I have learned that maybe you haven't yet, ignoring the 82 things that you know and I don't.) I find this relieving, because I don't have to be so concerned about people "getting it". I can love people more freely and trust God WILL fix them someday. Along with me.

I am not saying that there is never a time to encourage or correct a brother or sister in Christ. I am talking about all the stuff that isn't blatant enough for that but still can eat us alive.

On the other hand I do need confess and repent for my sin as God convicts me because Rom 2:16 says, "The day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life."

I so want my secret life to bring Him glory on that day. Help me, Lord!

Monday, May 25, 2009

More Identity Stuff

I don't know if I can express how full my heart is right now, but I want to try. I have been feeling like a failure lately. Spiritually, physically, emotionally. As a woman and as a mother. My head has known that it is not true, that God in His mercy, was helping me do the job He wanted me to do and be the person He wants me to be, but my heart has been crying, crying out to Him to help me. I have felt lost. (Those of you who know me well, know that I used to feel like this ALL the time, and for it to be a every 6 month thing, instead of daily, is a huge improvement).

So this morning I woke up happy, which was good enough for me. I went into my time with God this morning and He reminded me that He wants me to "Rejoice, always" and I had forgotten that is one of my assignments. I found the verse in my Bible really easily, "Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice!" I was thinking about what a fun assignment that is, to learn to rejoice always. And I found this verse, "Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God."

Ok, that made me so stinkin happy and I will try to explain why.

What I see, what you see, IS NOT MY REAL LIFE! My real life is hidden, with Christ, in God. There is nothing I treasure more in life than my times with Him, when I catch a glimpse of who He is. I never realized I was also catching a glimpse of who I really am as well. Who I am, with Him, is my real life. Those times in His presence when everything else falls away, are the closest I can get to my real, hidden life. More real than me not fitting into my clothes from last summer. More real than me being selfish because I am feeling sorry for myself. More real than the discouragement I feel because I can't make my life be what I want it to be and still put God first. Not that I don't have to repent for those things, I do. But those moments don't define my life.

My real life is hidden. With Christ. In God. And that is the truth.

There can be no failure with Christ. There can be no shame. There can be nothing impure or sinful. This motivates me even more to seek Him first. He is where my true life is found. Like Jackie said in her newsletter article, it is the times when I am in His presence, that I am the most myself. There is so much freedom and joy in that.


"And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory."

Col 3:1-4

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Seeking What?

I have been feeling fractured lately. Divided. Out of touch with my heart. I have been trying to be healthy again and I think it is killing me.

Strange Stories

So, I finished reading Ezra this morning. It was really interesting after studying Esther. There were some of the same characters in the story. I noticed I had previously underlined only one verse in the whole book and it was 9:3, When I heard this, I tore my cloak and my shirt, pulled hair from my head and beard, and sat down utterly shocked. He had just heard that the priest and leaders had led the way in the people marrying the pagans around them. I can't remember why I underlined that. I think I was shocked that Ezra was so shocked? Was he that innocent? He must have been. It seems like from then til now more people were sinning than not. Priests and leaders included. It would be nice to have that kind of innocent faith, but I know I can't, because I would be one of the people who had to repent for sinning. It was also interesting that their solution was to divorce the pagen wives (What about husbands?) and send them and the children away. This story does make me wonder if maybe I have become a little too accepting of sin? Hmm...something to pray about.

Thoughts, anyone?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


2 Chron 16:12 In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was afflicted with a disease in his feet. Though his disease was severe, even in his illness he did not seek help from the LORD, but only from the physicians.

This verse has intrigued me for years. In my mind, I thought the Bible said that God was angry with Asa for not seeking Him, but I couldn't find it when I was looking this time. I must have assumed that.

Check out 2 Chron 15:17: Although he did not remove the high places from Israel, Asa's heart was fully committed to the LORD all his life.

I think Asa's life is a good example of loving God but not having all that we could have in Him.

Why wouldn't the King remove the high places? Why didn't he consult the Lord about his feet?

We had such a neat conversation about Job, I wanted to see what you guys thought about King Asa. :)

Friday, May 15, 2009

Why the Wait...

I heard this morning that there might be a big lay off at my husband's place of work. While I was praying about it and telling God that I do trust Him to take care of us, I started thinking about how He always does what is best for us.

For so long, discipline was what was best for me. I have a very strong will and pretty much will only do what I want. God had to fix my "wanter", as they say. He had to teach me that His ways are best. I am sorry to say, He had to convince me. And it was painful. But He showed me so much mercy and revealed Himself to me and He loved me so faithfully and tenderly and strongly through it all.

I just realized this morning that we have to be prepared for blessings. If he blessed us before He changed us, we would never grow. I have spent years asking Him for things and getting a "No" or a "Not yet". I don't get mad at Him about it, (anymore) but I did wonder what the hold up was. This morning, I realized the hold up is me. I am not ready for all of the things I want. I am not strong enough or trustworthy enough or mature enough. It is God's best for me to make me wait.

I am so thankful He does not give us what we want, but what we need.

Praise You, Lord!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

My silly girl

My daughter is so funny.

I have colored my hair red for years and I am sick of coloring it, so last night after my kids went to bed, I colored it brown, trying to get it closer to my natural color so it can grow out. It is a little too dark but hopefully it will lighten up a bit after I wash it.

So Laney gets up this morning, sees me, and says,

"Mom! I can't believe my blurry eyes!"

I thought that was hilarious. :)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Longing for Jesus

Do you ever have days when you really, really long for Heaven? I had a dream last night. In my dream I had something I have longed for, for a very long time.

And then I woke up.

When I was crying on my couch with the covers over my head, I realized what I really want is not what I dreamed about. I am longing to be with my Jesus. To see His face, His smile. To be able to touch Him. To sit under a big tree with Him and have Him teach me everything about Himself that He wants to reveal. To run with Him. Not jogging, but crazy, through bushes and over creeks, smiling like crazy. To be completely whole and healed, completed by who He is.

I don't want to wait another 36 years. But I must trust His timing. And I must learn to be more faithful with what He has given me here on Earth. And I must let Him satisfy me through the Spirit because that is real, I need to learn to meet Him in that way better and more often.

What do you want to do with Him in Heaven?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Do you ever find yourself annoying? Or is it just me?


It's windy tonight.

I feel something stirring in my soul.

Something I haven't felt for a very long time.

What is this wonderful feeling, Lord?

This was always my favorite emotion and I don't even know to call it.

An aliveness...

Why am I feeling this again after so many years?

What does this mean?

Are You giving me back my ability to dream?

Can I keep it? I like it!

Only with You, Lord, no other way.


Never mind.

It musta just been the wind.

Why is it so hard to keep the right perspective, Abba?

Why does life have to be so hard and long?

Hopefully some worship music on the way to work will help.

I am so fickle Lord, don't I drive You crazy?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I am disturbed.

Does anyone understand the Book of Job? I usually just read the beginning and the end, because the middle makes NO sense to me. But I have been reading it the last few days and I still don't get it at all. First of all, how was Job blameless? The Bible says no man is, right? Second of all, how did his friends have the love and wisdom to sit there with him for seven days and nights without saying anything and then mess up so badly afterwards? And the biggest problem for me is, I am very suspicious that if I were sitting there with them, I would be on the side of his friends. In the beginning, anyway, before they start obviously getting mean. After I read all of it, I will break out my study Bibles and see what they have to say but I want to read it all for myself first. But if any of you have any insight into this, I would love to hear it. :)