Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bleeding gums

Well, my friends are starting to email me to make sure I am ok, so I thought I better update everyone. My mood is better but I have some p word, gum disease, awfulness. So today I got poked in the gums 88 times or more and next week I get to go in to get my roots planed. Can't wait. Then after that, I get to get my wisdom teeth pulled. I was trying not to cry (since the gum doctor guy goes to TRF, I should try to not have a fit, right? I did tell him that poking people in the gums would be a good form of torture though) and praying and kept thinking about this verse, 1 Peter 4:1 Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. Do you think dental work counts?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Help me, LORD!

I would say, "Oh My Goodness, I am cranky today!" Except I don't have any goodness to talk about. I have not felt like this in months. (I think I always say that though) And of course, tonight is The Gathering which we do 3 or 4 times a year so people can get to know us. I suppose I should not say, "Hi, My name is Tawny and I am extremely cranky and I want to be in bed with the covers over my head feeling sorry for myself right now." Tom's sermon this weekend did talk about being authentic though. :)

I am sure I will feel better tomorrow. How are you?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Holy Fire

Lord, I want to be Yours
Lord, I want to be free
from me
From my own wisdom (blech)
From my own sin
I want to want Your will more than my own
I want to be controlled by Your desires
not mine
To be fully Yours is to be free
I feel so full of me this morning, it is making me sick
Consume me
with You

Monday, April 13, 2009

I love spring, did I mention that already?

Yay! I just attempted to run again. Didn't actually run all that much, but it was definitely better than nothing. It is beautiful outside. And something fell out of a tree and hit me right in the middle of my forehead and made me laugh. I am really hoping I follow through this time. I think I can, because I am getting along better with myself these days and don't spend so much energy being irritated and aggravated about everything. :)

We'll see....

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I already have what I want..

Have you ever heard that CD that Jars of Clay made with all the old hymns? I don't even know what the hymn is called but it starts out by saying "We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord". It made me so happy because I realized WE ARE ALREADY ONE. Just because we don't know how to act like it, doesn't make it any less true. :)

I have been learning that about a lot of things lately. Nothing is as it seems.

So, I think this is the end of this drama, for the moment. I think it will be a reoccurring theme throughout my life. Pretty sure about that actually. :)

Tears and Laughter

Feeling much better today. :)

Had a big fit yesterday evening and cried my head off while Jason laughed at me. For some reason he thinks it's hysterical when I have big sobbing fits. (He says it is because I am so cute and He loves how passionate I am, hopefully that is the real reason) After he quit laughing, he prayed for me and was very sweet.

I know God is working on earth. He is working in His church. Like He is working in me. I just need to be patient. It always seems to come back to that!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


What is unity?

This weekend I felt so connected to God and His women. We had one goal and one purpose; to join together in being His, seeking Him individually and corporately.

Now I am home. My boys want to play video games. My daughter is at a friend's house. My husband is getting ready for a trip this weekend.

Everyone at work is busy, doing their jobs.

I feel lonely. Disjointed, disconnected, dissatisfied. Sad.

How are we supposed to live our daily lives for God? With God? With His people? What should it look like? What should it feel like? How much is enough? How much is too much? Can there ever be too much of Him?

Are the little glimpses of unity worth the pain of realizing how not united we are the rest of the time?

I guess I have to trust Him with what is...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

picture a frowny face here

So, Jason and I had had our bed for fourteen years and it was getting all lumpy and saggy and all that good stuff so we got a new one. Which was extremely blissful for the first week. But it must hold all your body heat in it or something, because it makes me miserably hot while I am sleeping. And now my back is starting to hurt. We have a thirty day trial, so I was going to call today and see if we can exchange it and then I realized, I think I took all the tags off. I am so irritated with myself!!!!!!!!!

Just thought I would share this oh-so-exciting problem with the world.

Monday, April 6, 2009

In His Presence

The Retreat was wonderful. The Lord seemed to answer all of our prayers. The lady who lives there and runs the camp said they hardly ever have weather that beautiful. The women were so sweet and tender towards one another. They shared their hearts, even in our corporate times. The worship songs matched what God was doing in our hearts. It was everything I hoped it would be. He is so faithful and I am amazed at how much He wants to meet us.

I also have never felt so supported in prayer. Some of it is by you guys. Thank you so much. I am so grateful. One of my friends sent me an ecard, every morning for three or four days until I left for Retreat. The Retreat was called "In His Presence" and this was on one of the cards she sent, and I don't think she even knew what the theme was.

We are never away from God.
He is never away from us-
Not even for a moment!
He remains within us,
continually present in our lives.
~Max Lucado

I meant to read that at the end of the Retreat but I forgot, so I put it on here instead.

Thank you for your prayers and love.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

If God doesn't do it, it will be a disaster.

Me, tossing and turning in my bed this morning:

"Lord, why are you trusting me with this Retreat? I have spent the last three days eating constantly, from anxiety, I am not trustworthy!"

The Sweet Voice in my head: "Am I trustworthy?"

Me: Of course, Lord! You are completely trustworthy.

The Voice: "Then trust me."