Sunday, January 17, 2010
This has been a very strange weekend. My RAGING hormonal problems have revealed some things about my heart to me. First off, there is still a part of me that Jesus' light needs to penetrate, a part that is still dark and horrible. I thought it was gone. God will have to take care of that. I don't know what I can do about it. Second of all, I am paranoid of pleasure. I have always loved simple pleasures. Water, sunlight, books, good food, going to bed at night. But I am also deeply afraid that I will love those things more than God, so there is a whole lot of fear mixed in with my thankfulness, which almost ruins it completely. I realized how ridiculous that is. There was a time in my life that I may have loved other pleasures more than God Himself, but not now. I know He is the greatest, most delightful, most rewarding pleasure available to us humans. I hope this knowledge sets me free to enjoy the simple pleasures that God has provided for us to enjoy. I am hoping I can think of them as "little glimpses of heaven" where everything will be good and pure and pleasurable and I won't automatically feel anxious every time I enjoy something. Oh, and I am going to start taking B vitamins again too!