Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed by the little things? A thousand little aggravations building up until you feel like it is just too hard to live? I am feeling that way right now.

Beaten by sand.

If you had hours to waste, we could sit down and I could start with Friday night and tell you every little thing that has bothered me since then and you would secretly wonder what the heck my problem is, because none of them are that big of a deal (I have a feeling quite a few of them would only bother me). From an eternal perspective, they are nothing. But right this moment, I am tired, I am irritable, I want to lay down and have somebody wake me up when Jesus comes back. I see more sand blowing in the wind of tomorrow and I really don't feel like walking into it. But I sense God calling me. I know it is for my good. I will go. I am not saying I am strong enough to go well, and certainly not gracefully, but I will go.

And the good thing is, no storm lasts forever.

Monday, September 29, 2008


I have been overwhelmed lately with thoughts and experiences that are testing the way I think. What does a life lived for God alone look like? How does God feel when I long for something other than Him? Why is it so hard to trust God's involvement and timing? Why does being real have to be so embarrassing? What would it be like to trust His love and goodness so much that I can live without fear? Thankfully, I have also learned to trust Him a little bit and enjoy the sweet moments in life. And I know He loves us to seek Him in our questions. And He loves to be found. And who He is has never, ever disappointed me.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Friday, September 26, 2008

Shifting Priorities

Ugg, I am a disaster right now. My heart is. I am not sure it is any worse than it has ever been, it may actually even be better, I am just becoming aware. So full of these subtle doubts and fears. All fidgety. I keep thinking about this verse: But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me. (Ps 131:) I am getting desperate for a still heart. For a quiet heart.

You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. (1 Pet 3:4) I used to hate this verse. Maybe hate is too strong a word, but who wants to trade beauty for gentleness and quietness? Didn't seem like such a good deal to me, especially since gentleness and quietness sounded BORING. I am starting to see the value in it.

Pray for me!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Life stuff

Well, one of the exciting changes in my life right now is my husband and I are actually doing some things, instead of just talking about them. We shut off our cell phone, changed our cable package (we just have Internet and phone), and sold our standard poodle, Sofi. She was my dog but we figured out she was costing us like, $400 a year! So Sunday we met some people in Union Creek (they are from Bend) and sold her for enough to buy a little, lower-maintenance dog. The people live on a farm and she is doing really well and having lots of fun learning that she can't chase chickens. (The picture of her is at their house, on Sunday) I am going to cancel netflix this weekend too. It is weird how we talk about things for years and never do them, and then all of a sudden do. I am sad about my dog, but I know we are making the right decision. Gabe's turning eight tomorrow and Dev will be turning 12 on the 2nd of October so we are going to be in Birthday madness for the next week or so. Parties, my favorite! (If any of you don't know me very well and care enough to still be reading, I better tell you, I hate planning parties with a passion.) I am hoping once all of this is over I will have time to start blogging again, since I find it extremely fun.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

living up to the dream?

I haven't been blogging much lately. Because I have been too busy living. I am a dreamer and sometimes I get discouraged because my life never lives up to my dreams. I just realized while I was dancing around my house cleaning, blasting Spirit 66 music, that my life and my dreams are starting to converge. Wow, God is good. Life hurts more than I ever imagined, but it is also sweeter and bigger and better. In Him. With Him. It is all Him. And His sweet wonderful people. He is opening up my eyes to what He sees in us. I can't see it well enough to explain it, yet, but it is changing my heart. Filling me with light and life. Hope and Love. Joy. Him.

Bring it on, Lord!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

We Don't Have to Live in Shame, EVER.

I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. ~Ps 34:4-5

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Love and Peace?

I started writing this post a couple days ago. I was feeling very positive that day. Last night I had a dream and I woke up and prayed about it and realized God may be asking something of me in this area that I am not able to do yet. I think He is strengthening my heart, getting me ready. So that is why this post starts out so differently than it finishes.

If you didn't know this-I have a mad, crazy passion for unity. In the family. In the Church. To me, there is nothing stronger, nothing sweeter, nothing better than unity. I believe it begins with honesty and transparency. Sometimes it requires emotional intimacy, sometimes not. In the last couple of years I have been so delighted to realize that God has this same passion for unity. (I know His came first) If you don't believe me, read John 17 again.

I love, love, love, that He is united with us. All of our unity with other people should come out of our shared unity with Him. I do not believe unity is just being in agreement. That is part of it, of course, but I think there is so much more to it.

Eph 4:2 Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. 3Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace. 4We are all one body, we have the same Spirit, and we have all been called to the same glorious future.

Col 2:14 And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.

1Pet 1:22b See to it that you really do love each other intensely with all your hearts.

Here's what I am thinking. I rarely do any of these things. Why? Because I am afraid to open myself up like that. Why? Because love HURTS. Why? Partly just because it is so fierce and strong and partly because WE DON'T USUALLY LOVE LIKE THAT so there is a very good chance people will just think we are out of our minds. I found it interesting how often love and peace were mentioned together. I have lots of growing to do because love and fear are still the pair for me. I am still so afraid of getting hurt, being embarrassed, being rejected, being misunderstood.

If we had strong, pure, fierce love for one another, the church would be a completely different place. The family would be a completely different thing. How many of us are still in it for ourselves? And as soon loving gets dangerous, we withdraw our hearts. We do not even let people really know us, let alone love us. We lonely and afraid, surrounded by our own families and God's family. This is wrong! Who is going to change it? Me? You?

Ok, I am being a little dramatic, but I still feel this heavy on my heart. A lot. Father, give us the courage and strength to love! Give Your people a vision of love. We are learning to serve the world and remembering to care for the poor but are we really united in Spirit and purpose and loving one another like You have taught us to do? Open our eyes and our hearts and change us Lord!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


Whew, what a crazy week I am having. The evening Bible study started last Thurs and the morning started today. I am excited to see what God is going to do in His girls throughout the fall.

I have been thinking about my beauty post, off and on, and thought I should give you guys an update. After I did that last looonnnnggggggg post about it, I realized beauty has not been an idol for me for a long time. I was believing beauty was a requirement for godliness though and that is why I was feeling confused. After I did all that research for that post I felt SO much better. I do not think in is wrong to diet, exercise, and my hair is still wet from getting colored this afternoon. But now I don't have to feel like a failure anymore. I am not failing God if I don't figure out how to be skinny. I can work on it, as time and life and more important things permit and I will continue to take care of my body to the best of my ability but I am not less valuable to God. And my biggest fear was failing Him in some way. Whew, I hope this stuff is really worked out in my heart. Time will tell. :)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Learning to Trust HIS Faithfulness

Now you have every spiritual gift you need as you eagerly wait for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be free from blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. God will surely do this for you, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he is the one who invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

~1 Cor 1:7-9 NLT

I don't get tempted to memorize verses very often but I found these so extremely comforting, I may have to. :) I still find it so hard to believe that God would "invite me into a partnership" with Jesus. Especially since He definitely knows who I am. I have to believe it though, He said it.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Quote For The Day

I read this in my devotion book last night. I desperately needed it:

Do not be disquieted about your faults. Love without ceasing and much will be forgiven you, because you have loved much. Faults perceived in peace, in the spirit of love, are immediately consumed by love itself; but faults perceived in a pettish fit of self-loved disturb peace, interrupt the presence of God, and the exercise of perfect love. Vexation of a fault is generally more at fault than the fault itself. ~ Francious De La Mothe Fenelon

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ~1Pet 4:8

Sometimes words cannot express how grateful I am that the greatest commandment is to love.