Time alone is GOOD

I had my first personal retreat day yesterday and I want to share it. I didn't think much amazing happened, but I woke up feeling so light-hearted this morning. I had been very anxious again lately but didn't realize it until it went away. Whew!

I can see where planning would have made my day go smoother. I got to the river, almost fell about three time finding a good spot to sit and realized I needed to go to the bathroom. So, I drove to that little park in Rogue River where I knew there was a bathroom and hung out with the ducks most of the day and tried to ignore all the traffic. I didn't realize Rogue River was such a busy little town!

I didn't feel like I got any new revelations but that God reminded me of things He has taught me before.

1. It's all about Him.

2. It's all about Love.

3. He is Love.

I finished that book, "Soul Talk" by Larry Crabb that I liked so much and I think every Christian in America should have to read it once. Here is a quote by Augustine that was in it, "There can be only two basic loves, the love of God unto the forgetfulness of self, or the love of self unto the forgetfulness of God.

Was it also Augustine that said, "Love God and do what you want."? I love the freedom that God gives us. I hope we use it to choose Him more and more.

And now I have 10 posts for June :)

Blogless Summer

Hey Guys,

I have decided I better take the summer off from blogging. I am way too busy. I thought summer was supposed to be laid back but apparently, not this summer! I have a house full of kids that need my attention and are on the computer half the time, so I can't get on it anyway. I may post occasionally but don't hold your breath.

Hope you have a wonderful summer!

Death = Abundance?

If you couldn't tell, I have been in a bit of a dry spell lately, spiritually. Ok, I have been on the verge of being depressed, feeling far from God, not wanting to read my Bible and feeling like my prayers were hitting the ceiling. I had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday morning, which also means I cried so hard on the way to work I washed away half of my makeup and was afraid I might get in a car accident.

So, all that got me thinking about "The Abundant Life" that Jesus offers us. Most of my hard times are because I am not getting what I want. Or what I think I need. Or what I think I should have. Or not being who I think I should be. And over and over again, God just asks, "Do you trust Me?" And I usually say, "More than I used to, but obviously not enough, Help me, Lord!"

I have these ideas in my head about what is important in life. I think He put those ideas there. I keep finding out He has something far different in mind. It is really hard to explain. I think it has something to do with this verse: 35 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. I always thought this verse is talking about salvation, but now I am wondering if it isn't also the key to the abundant life? Because every part of my life I am willing to die to, (give up my desires and trust Him) I seem to have more peace. And joy. When I hold on to my desires, I get discouraged when I can't make them happen, and start to feel like my spirit is dying.

I have been praying that God would teach me what it means to live for Him, alone. Really, truly. To die to myself and live for Him. It is very uncomfortable and almost scary to have all my values changing. I almost feel panicky about giving up some of the things that have been such a part of me for so long. Desires, personality traits, motivations, how I view myself.

But He is God, I am not. I have to trust He knows what He is doing and He is my guide. And I do want to follow Him more than I want anything else. So I will stay in this weird place as long as He keeps me here.

And don't worry, you guys know me, I could be completely fine by tomorrow and you will ask me about this and I will be like, "Huh? Oh yeah, I am fine now." :)

Thanks for being part of my journey.

Little steps....

We made it back from camping, alive, and didn't even get rained on!

So, since my blog is called Learning to Live and all, I thought I would tell you what I did yesterday.

I got up at 5 instead of 5:30 and took a walk and even tried to run a little. When I got back, I DIDN'T CHECK MY EMAIL, OR DRINK ANY COFFEE. I ate some oatmeal and put my sugar in there instead of the coffee. I thought that was very creative of me.

I think I have been destroying my power of concentration and making myself antsy with all this computer stuff, so I am going to try and limit myself more. Not checking my email or blogs before work is a big thing for me.

And I lived!!!!!!!

I am going to try and do that again tomorrow. Today I got up and drank coffee immediately! Curled up on the couch. Gotta take things slow or they won't stick, right?

Not according to plan...

I don't know why I am feeling the need to keep everyone informed of every little thing this week but I am, so here's the latest. Today is the last day of school. The plan was to leave to go camping as soon as the kids get home at 2:30. But the weather is gloomy, Gabriel is throwing up, Devin is coughing, I have severe PMS and had to lay in bed this morning and pray so I could even get up, and Jason went to hook the Bronco up to the trailer and the carburetor is spraying fuel onto the engine. Hmm...Are we supposed to be camping this weekend?

And I found out this morning that there is no football next year at Jr High, which we were all looking forward to.

I do believe everything will work out how it is supposed to though.

And I hope you have a nice weekend! :)

Yay!

So tonight was Dev's 6th grade appreciation/graduation. It was really neat because all of his best friends got awards from the teachers. (I have been telling Jason that Dev runs with a good little crew, maybe he will believe me now. They were awards for the best attitude, community service, and friendliest, I think) I was getting a little sad because I know he worked really hard this year and I didn't think he was going to get one. He got the last one and it was for "All Around Best Student"!

Ok, I cried. But you guys have seen the kind of parenting week I have had right?

I had to ask Dev's permission to blog about this (because he has told me he doesn't want me blogging about him) and brag on him and he just reminded me he also got the "Most Athletic Boy" vote from his fellow students. :)

I am especially proud of him because Jason and I don't pressure our kids about their grades. He has worked hard by his own choice.

And God is merciful and sweet to me.

Still having problems....

So, today my daughter fell in love with a kitten that was born with deformed hips and crawls around on it's stomach. The owner said if they couldn't give it away they were going to put it to sleep.

She wanted to rescue it, very badly. Jason is allergic to cats. He said no. She cried for a long time.

I (in my perfect Christian mother mode, of course) streamed a movie from Netflix and went across the street and got her some candy to distract her. It worked. But Gabriel wanted the candy I got for her instead of what I got for him. So he had just as big a fit about the candy, as she had about the cat. So, I ate his candy to self medicate. I am torn between guilt and going across the street to get some ice cream. For me.

Don't worry, I won't. I already am sick from the candy. :)

Worse Problem

I am so grossed out, I want to die.

My daughter dropped a giant rock on her toe a couple weeks ago. The toenail came off today. She soaked it and THIS LARVAE THING CAME OUT OF IT.

ewe ewe ewe ewe!!!!!!!!!!

(And yes, this is the same child that also had an earwig go in her ear when she was about three. When we had it flushed out, there was also a tiny toy in there)

New Problem

Background, just in case you don't know:
I just started enjoying my own kids about 6 months ago, a year tops.

Setting:
My house is less than 1,200 square feet.

Dilemma:
My children are starting to bring their friends over and wanting them to stay indefinitely.

Ideal Solution:
Me turn into wonderful, warm, loving, Christian mom of the neighborhood who makes them all a healthy snack and starts a croquet game in the back yard. (Minus the dog poop, of course.)

Reality:
I start to feel claustrophobic after 5 minutes and my skin starts to crawl at 10. After about 1/2 hour I start looking at the clock wondering if I can send them all home soon.

Solution:
I HAVE NO IDEA!!!

That's what's missing!

My kids were watching a movie in the living room. Too loudly, because I could hear the movie in my bedroom, where I was folding the laundry. Jason was outside and smiled at me through the window and it felt like a Perfect Moment. Then I realized that the music on the movie matched the moment perfectly.

Hmmmm......

Is that why life is never as good as a movie? How different would it feel if we had a soundtrack playing for every moment in our lives? Would we recognize Life better? Don't know if this will make a bit of sense to anyone else...