Struggling with Sin....

I have been reading different parts of the first eight chapters of Romans over and over this week. Still working on all of this Spirit stuff. I hadn't put together that the context of a lot of the "living in the Spirit" verses were in the part of the Scripture talking about sin. How we should deal with sin in our lives and how we overcome it. (By "living in the Spirit") So I am going to share my conclusion with you: We were born sinners. If we are really Christ's, His Spirit lives in us, giving us new life. We should consider ourselves dead to sin and let the Spirit control our minds. We will always struggle with the sin that still lives in our bodies and eventually, it will kill us. (And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. Rom 8:10 NLT) But we need to hold fast to the FACT that that is not the end, only the beginning. That even though we are still struggling with sin, He will have the final victory. So, the key is to not lose hope in our struggles and to trust the work God is doing in our lives and in our hearts. The key for me anyway, because I am still struggling with thinking I should be doing a better job with life than I am. But oh yeah, life is not about me, it is about Him. I think I need to chant that to myself like a hundred times today......

No, actually, today I need to rejoice that I am His. That His love for me is unending. That He has saved me from sin. That He has wonderful plans for my life. That He wants to be with me for eternity. That He died to be with me. I want to live this day close to His heart. With my heart singing praises to His. I want to put aside myself and live in Him today. He is beautiful and He is real, and He is mine. And yours. He is big enough for all of us. He is good.

Wanting More.....Again.

I have been feeling very restless the last couple of days. I have been reading that book "Same Kind of Different as Me". It is very inspiring. It makes me want to do more for God. Talking to Jason about God stuff has been very exciting. But I am longing for more. What, I am not completely sure.

When I was in the Army and used to love to run, sometimes I would start complaining in my head and want to quit. After a while, I realized that if I picked up my pace a little, I would be fine. I would be going fast enough that I could just focus on my breathing.

That is how I am feeling right now. I am not running fast enough. I am not doing enough that really matters.

Keeping Perspective

I just reread Prince Caspian after we saw the movie.

I keep thinking about this part: "Oh dear, oh dear", said Lucy. "And I was so pleased at finding you again. And I thought you'd come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away-like last time. And now everything is going to be horrid."
"It is hard for you, little one," said Aslan. "But things never happen the same way twice. It has been hard for us all in Narnia before now." Lucy buried her head in his mane to hide from his face. But there must have been magic in his mane. She could feel lion-strength going into her. Quite suddenly she sat up. "I'm sorry , Aslan," she said . "I'm ready now."
"Now you are a lioness." said Aslan.

I need that to happen "in the Spirit" between my King and I. I need His strength because I have none of my own. Don't worry about me though, I do this every now and then. And I am actually thankful for it. It puts things back into perspective for me. I am nothing, He is everything. And He who is Everything is loving me who is nothing.

I so want to see His face......

Another Need for Patience

I was taking one of my "I must take a walk and pray, or I will not get through this day" walks. I was fussing at God about something I was frustrated with and the thought came to my mind, "It doesn't have to be perfect, Child, is it good?". And what I was fussing about is very, very good ~just not perfect. I was only fussing because I was wanting perfection.

I don't consider myself a perfectionist either.

So then I started wondering if God didn't put this longing for perfection in humans? Or maybe we were created for perfection and that is why we want it so badly? We all say "I know I will never be perfect" and try to forget about perfection ~but we can't. So what if we just decide to be patient instead?

Everything will be perfect someday. But not because we made it that way. :)

All creation anticipates the day when it will join God's children in glorious freedom from death and decay.
-Rom 8:21

What Does God Long For?

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God's messengers! How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings but you wouldn't let me. And now, look, your house is abandoned and desolate.
Matthew 23:37-38

I have been wondering what God is longing for since my last post and this verse keeps coming to my mind. How many times has He tried to show me His love and I have rejected Him? What other things does He want for His children that we are ignoring? That we won't let Him give us?

Good, scary things.

Oh Father, let us fear you in a healthy way. Not in a selfish way. May we trust you enough to let you love us!

Vision

I was laying in bed last night and couldn't fall asleep and didn't have anything to daydream about. So I pray, "Lord, give me a vision, your people perish without vision, you know!" (He knew I was teasing Him) And then I thought, "For who?" Well for myself of course, isn't that usually my first priority? Then I actually thought, "That is boring, give me Your vision for the world" then I started laughing because aren't I something to ask for that! :)

In our small group we have read from Joshua to almost the end of 1 Samuel and it has been so cool for me to see how God orchestrated all of it. He was there, even if the people didn't see any supernatural evidence. And He had a plan for their generation. The people had to decide if they wanted to live out God's desires or their own. So that ended up being my prayer, "Lord, please give me a vision for what you are desiring for this generation". Now I have no idea if God will answer that prayer or not, it may be none of my business and I am fine with that too. I just want more to daydream and pray about. :)

What do you think He is up to in our generation?

Tearing Down Idols

Today I feel like the richest woman in the world. I realized something this morning. There is no value in ANYTHING but Christ. He is my glory. He is my treasure. He is ALL THAT MATTERS. And He is mine.

Beauty has been an idol for me for as long as I could remember. THERE IS NO VALUE IN BEAUTY APART FROM CHRIST!!! If we can be beautiful with Him, to His glory.....Hallelujah! If, like me, we aren't mature enough for it....Hallelujah! He is merciful and only gives us what we can handle.

He is the only glory I want. EVER.

So do not worry, saying,"What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:31-33

The Second Poem I have Written of My Own Free Will. "The Crash" is Something out of *The Barbarian Way* by Erwin McManus

Longings
Reawakened
Stirred

Relationship
Fellowship
Adventure

The Crash

What do I do with them Lord?
Stuff them?
Share them?
You know me, I can't ignore them.

Lead me,
My King
In Your Adventure

The Beginning of the Blogging

This is a good example of how impulsive I am. I have been reading Beth Moore's blog since Christmas and just found out normal people have blogs on Friday and I am making one on Sunday afternoon.

I thought I would tell you why I called my blog learning to live. Beth asked us to share what God has set us free from and I thought maybe I would put it on here too. I think it will help show where I am coming from.....

God has set me free from hating myself. From feeling completely worthless and hopeless. One day when I was reading about the crucifixion, I told Him "Well at least you weren't suffering for you own stupid sin Lord" and I felt like He said, "No child, I was suffering for yours, so you wouldn't have to." That hit me so hard and I knew I could no longer beat myself up for my sin and mistakes. He paid the price already. I am free to say I am sorry and move on, I don't have to hate myself. He knew what I would be and do and chose me and loved me anyway.

My life is about Him, not me. That is incredibly freeing. If He wants me to grow in an area and I am willing, I will grow. If I still have something to learn from making the same mistake over and over, I will stay there until I learn. I trust He has the power to change me and make me exactly what He wants me to be. I am willing for whatever He wants for me, whether it be painful or joyful~that is enough for Him.

I believe we have to want Him more than victory, more than godliness, more than righteousness. He wants to be our life, our hope, our delight. Seek Him, He will take care of the rest.

All that being said, I am still not very good at the everyday part of life. I LOVE my quiet time, it is my favorite time of the day. That is easy for me. Trying to make my family dinner every night is very, very hard for me.

I want to have a clean house and healthy meals for my family and get enough exercise and be healthy and do all the "right" stuff but it is so tedious and boring and time consuming and never ending. I love to talk to my husband and kids and play with them I just hate all the WORK. I don't think I am lazy, I just hate the redundant stuff.

BUT, it has only been the last three years that I haven't struggled with severe depression, so I am hoping I am almost healthy enough to be able to take care of the boring stuff so that I can take good care of my family's (and my) physical needs.

So I guess what I am trying to say is I love emotional, spiritual stuff, and needs some serious help on the physical stuff. I know everything is spiritual and God cares about all of our lives, I am just trying to figure out how to make it all work. And it has to be through the Spirit anyway so it will be full of light and life and love, not yelling, exasperation and irritation. Not that any of us will ever be perfect, OF COURSE. :)