This is a good example of how impulsive I am. I have been reading Beth Moore's blog since Christmas and just found out normal people have blogs on Friday and I am making one on Sunday afternoon.
I thought I would tell you why I called my blog learning to live. Beth asked us to share what God has set us free from and I thought maybe I would put it on here too. I think it will help show where I am coming from.....
God has set me free from hating myself. From feeling completely worthless and hopeless. One day when I was reading about the crucifixion, I told Him "Well at least you weren't suffering for you own stupid sin Lord" and I felt like He said, "No child, I was suffering for yours, so you wouldn't have to." That hit me so hard and I knew I could no longer beat myself up for my sin and mistakes. He paid the price already. I am free to say I am sorry and move on, I don't have to hate myself. He knew what I would be and do and chose me and loved me anyway.
My life is about Him, not me. That is incredibly freeing. If He wants me to grow in an area and I am willing, I will grow. If I still have something to learn from making the same mistake over and over, I will stay there until I learn. I trust He has the power to change me and make me exactly what He wants me to be. I am willing for whatever He wants for me, whether it be painful or joyful~that is enough for Him.
I believe we have to want Him more than victory, more than godliness, more than righteousness. He wants to be our life, our hope, our delight. Seek Him, He will take care of the rest.
All that being said, I am still not very good at the everyday part of life. I LOVE my quiet time, it is my favorite time of the day. That is easy for me. Trying to make my family dinner every night is very, very hard for me.
I want to have a clean house and healthy meals for my family and get enough exercise and be healthy and do all the "right" stuff but it is so tedious and boring and time consuming and never ending. I love to talk to my husband and kids and play with them I just hate all the WORK. I don't think I am lazy, I just hate the redundant stuff.
BUT, it has only been the last three years that I haven't struggled with severe depression, so I am hoping I am almost healthy enough to be able to take care of the boring stuff so that I can take good care of my family's (and my) physical needs.
So I guess what I am trying to say is I love emotional, spiritual stuff, and needs some serious help on the physical stuff. I know everything is spiritual and God cares about all of our lives, I am just trying to figure out how to make it all work. And it has to be through the Spirit anyway so it will be full of light and life and love, not yelling, exasperation and irritation. Not that any of us will ever be perfect, OF COURSE. :)
9 comments:
Hey, this is soo cool:) We should all have one! Gives insight into each others lives. I hear you about the quiet time being the best time and the rest being a struggle. I don't think that I have it as bad as you but the LORD has certainly been working on it for me. I am starting to see "the process" of life as being a blessing, I don't think we experience the fullness of the abundant life until Jesus so permeates every part of our lives, even cooking dinner for our families. I think we can even see Gods glory in cleaning toilets! I can remember moping the bathroom floor when God decided to reveal a sliver of His glory to me. Talk about joy in the process of moping.I know you know this, its just encouraging that even in the things that are mundane and work, He is there.
I am assuming that Michel is Julene? :)
Thank you for commenting, this is fun isn't it?
I was thinking about how you thought about me in that movie when I wrote this. :)
PS. Are you going to share what He showed you while you were mopping? :)
OK Tawny,
Just so you know this public blog feels alot like trying to relate to way to many people at once. I feel exposed and like I have nothing of value to add. Since I am new to blogging what is the proper etiquette? I am sure you don't know so I don't really expect a response but I do feel a little like I am on stage with way to many people looking at me while I fumble around. I just want you to know I love to read your blog but not sure how involved in responding I can be. Michel looks like he will cover me. :)
Hey My Sweet Sister,
I do know what you mean. I was fine with leaving comments on a blog, but having my own is really weird for the same reasons you stated. Don't feel obligated to write, but do if you want to. I will always love what you say, that I know for sure. XO
"All that being said, I am still not very good at the everyday part of life. I LOVE my quiet time, it is my favorite time of the day. That is easy for me. Trying to make my family dinner every night is very, very hard for me.
I want to have a clean house and healthy meals for my family and get enough exercise and be healthy and do all the "right" stuff but it is so tedious and boring and time consuming and never ending. I love to talk to my husband and kids and play with them I just hate all the WORK. I don't think I am lazy, I just hate the redundant stuff."
I think you.are.me. but there. wow.
and, um, I see your BEAUTIFUL picture on THIS page in the comments..why isn't it anywhere else?? :)
I see you have read all of my blog now. :) Remember, I read all of yours. :)
That is an old picture. My husband and I aren't much for taking pictures, and I don't have any newer ones I don't hate, so I just took it off.
Even if I was skinny and beautiful, I don't know if I would put one on her. We judge each other so much through appearnences and I get so sick of it. I get sick of me doing it too. It is one place where we get to see each other's hearts and I really like that.
I like your pictures though. But see, I though, "how come she still gets to have a pretty face?" That is my biggest sadness about being fat, I don't have my own face anymore. Wow, I am depressing myself. I better go let my dog out before he pees on the floor. :)
thanks for mentioning me and sending me to the start of your blogging--i will read more of it tomorrow--but seeing that you "suffered" through some dark periods (3 years of depression)--something i say i have is spiritual depression--but i know they all go together--but knowing that maybe it has an ending somewhere--and that someone does understand my blog and support me--just thanks--gets rather scary with some of those "thoughts" i know way to well--blessings and thanks
wendy--i will read more and read about your growth and changes
Wendy, It actually has been the last three years that I HAVEN'T been severely depressed. I was depressed from the time I was about 10 until I was about 32. Some times were better than others, but I pretty much hated myself and life in general. It was so dark and hard. I started writing this blog after I was feeling better and thinking more correctly. There are some of my struggles in it but most of the darkness is gone. I just want you to know that I do understand some of what you are feeling. XO
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