For Leaders

Go to the people
Live among them
Learn from them
Love them
Start with what they know
Build on what they have
But of the best leaders,
When their task is done,
The people will remark,
"We have done it ourselves!"

~Unfortunately, I forgot to write down where I got this. It's not mine, I will say that. :)

I am a mess but Jesus loves me :)

I ate too much yesterday. Not because I wanted to, but because I couldn't stop myself. I was praying about it this morning and asking, "Lord, why do I do this? Where is it coming from? What is motivating me?"

I realized that when I was about 10yrs old I started to feel deeply insecure. I was starting to see the sin in myself and the sin in those around me. All was not right with the world. I knew about God, and a lot of what I knew wasn't even true. I did not know His character or His heart for His people and I certainly did not believe in His goodness. I had no hope.

I have come to love Him and trust Him as an adult but there is a part of me that still feels very shaky. That doesn't trust the future, doesn't trust myself. And since I totally lost it in church Sat night and started laughing and could not stop and felt badly for being disrespectful and out of control, I ate all day yesterday.

Oh my Lord, come and heal all of the messed up places in me. The ones I can see and the ones I can't. I want to be whole, in You. I want to reflect You as clearly as a human can. I don't want to be a slave to my insecurities. I want to trust You so fiercely that insecurities are not a part of who I am. Especially insecurities that are 27 years old! Life will be hard, yes, I accept that. Help me to trust that You will always be good. And that Your sacrifice makes me whole, not my own thoughts and behavior. I am not trustworthy Lord, but You are. And it is Your goodness and faithfulness that I can trust to make all things right in the world. Someday. Make me good through Your power and strength in the meantime. Thank you for loving me despite my complete lack of worthiness. I love You.

I love these verses...

Hosea 6 NLT
1 “Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces;
now he will heal us.
He has injured us;
now he will bandage our wounds.
2 In just a short time he will restore us,
so that we may live in his presence.
3 Oh, that we might know the Lord!
Let us press on to know him.
He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn
or the coming of rains in early spring.”

Measuring Success

How should leaders/pastors/elders/shepherds measure success? Evangelists would probably measure it by the people that take that first step of belief and the angels are rejoicing, we know that. Would all of the different roles that leaders play, measure it differently? Or should we not even have a measure of success and only go by of our level of obedience? Or both? What do you think?

Calmness

I embarrassed myself recently. Not just my average, slightly embarrassed because I said something slightly stupid. Nope, this was one of those deep, painful, embarrassments when death sounds preferable to walking among other humans again. I was really surprised at how I reacted. I hit the floor, praying. I cried out to my Lord to come sooth my soul. He was sweet, and let me feel His presence almost immediately.

Me: Oh Lord, please teach me how to be quiet!!!!

Him: (In my spirit, something like) Smiling slightly, "Child, you don't necessarily have to be quieter. You do need to be calm."

And then I just rested in His presence and let His peace flow until I was healed of the pain.

Then I asked Him to teach me wisdom with my words and that there would be way less idle ones. And I remembered the whole 'quiet means calm' thing I posted about last time. I am thinking it was very wise of Him to put calmness with rejoicing. In my case, they seem to desperately need each other.

And don't ask me what I was embarrassed about, I won't tell you. :)

Tradin it In!

I went to a women's seminar this weekend and I want to share my favorite part. One of the teachers explained the greek definition of "quiet and gentle" from the passage about women in one of Peter's letters. Quiet meant, "calm" or "tranquil" and gentle meant, "anger far from me".

This is very exciting to me because it fits so well with what God has been speaking to me about rejoicing. I saw a chart some time ago and it showed underlying emotions for different personalities. If I remember right, they were; fear, peace, optimism and I know mine was anger. I totally identified with that. Anger has been my fuel since I was ten. Not an out-of-control anger, but an underlying anger that moved me to go in certain directions.

So now I can see that God is asking me to trade all that anger in for rejoicing! To have rejoicing be my fuel instead of anger. What a wonderful trade! Of course this is a process, so I may still rant and rave and fuss and fume occasionally, but hopefully, there will be a whole lot more rejoicing and trusting my wonderful God to make things right.

Possiblities

Yesterday I woke up in a Super Bad Mood, wanted to kill the dogs and maim my husband (he woke me up a couple too many times during the night) and prayed like crazy and had a wonderful day. This morning I woke up in a Super Good Mood and am hoping I still have a good day? Better still pray like crazy. Right after I am done blogging. :) I have been having all sorts of fun questions rolling around in my head lately. What does it look like to "inquire of the Lord"? Actually, what does it look like to be answered after one does inquire? And I am extremely excited about the rejoicing thing. It must be possible to rejoice even in the worst of suffering or Jesus would not have told us we would have trouble but also to rejoice. I am believing there is a whole world of possibilities and wonder available to me that I never thought was possible.

Is there anything you think God wants to give you that your lack of belief is preventing?

Goals

So, I just read this book called "Wild Goose Chase". I really liked it. But at the end he challenged us to have goals and I am wrestling with that. I used to have lots of goals. The ones that didn't happen frustrated me and the ones that did, would have happened whether I planned for them or not. I just tended to think I got some credit since I met the goal. I have pretty much decided to do my best to follow the Spirit each day and see what God does. That has been way more fun and much more satisfying. Am I missing out by not having goals? My only goal now is to please God and figure out what love is and how to do it. And that will cover about the next 80 years and then I don't have to try and sort this stuff out anymore. Hmm...

First Day of School

Got the kids off to school. The two little ones got the teachers we were hoping for. Yay!

Jason came home early because he isn't feeling good, so Meet the Parents (a horrible movie in my opinion) is invading the first blogging time I have had in three months. That's ok, it is better than listening to him throw up in the bathroom. :) He has the scariest sounding pukes I have ever heard. Ok, TMI.

I had a lady tell me today that I radiate peace. I have never been told that before! It reminds me of the first time someone told me I was very loving. God can perform miracles, that is for certain.

I have been thinking about rejoicing a LOT lately though. I can't imagine a life filled with rejoicing. FULL of it. ALWAYS? really... Doesn't that sound fun?

Significance

WHEW!

BIG HAPPY SIGH.

September is finally here. A new season.

Devin started football. He is so excited. He doesn't get excited a lot, so that is fun. I was thinking about it on my way from dropping him off for practice. I want to talk to him about why he is excited. I think because he is doing something that his dad and I are excited about and other parents, kids and teachers are all excited about, so it feels important. I want to explain to him about the cloud of witnesses that are watching our lives. Cheering us on, hoping we won't give up. The game of life we are in. Being part of something that matters. Something that makes a difference, forever. I hope he gets it, but even if he doesn't I was happy to be thinking those thoughts! I want to play my part well...