Wondering...

1 Corinthians 1:8-10 (New Living Translation)

8 He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. 9 God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

What do you suppose it means to be in "partnership" with Jesus?

Simple Pleasures

This has been a very strange weekend. My RAGING hormonal problems have revealed some things about my heart to me. First off, there is still a part of me that Jesus' light needs to penetrate, a part that is still dark and horrible. I thought it was gone. God will have to take care of that. I don't know what I can do about it. Second of all, I am paranoid of pleasure. I have always loved simple pleasures. Water, sunlight, books, good food, going to bed at night. But I am also deeply afraid that I will love those things more than God, so there is a whole lot of fear mixed in with my thankfulness, which almost ruins it completely. I realized how ridiculous that is. There was a time in my life that I may have loved other pleasures more than God Himself, but not now. I know He is the greatest, most delightful, most rewarding pleasure available to us humans. I hope this knowledge sets me free to enjoy the simple pleasures that God has provided for us to enjoy. I am hoping I can think of them as "little glimpses of heaven" where everything will be good and pure and pleasurable and I won't automatically feel anxious every time I enjoy something. Oh, and I am going to start taking B vitamins again too!

Not just wishful thinking...

All of these spiritual discipline books I have been reading talk a lot about transformation. I have always been fascinated by transformation. Definitely a "Ugly Duckling and the Swan" fan. And a Grease and Grease 2 fan. :) I love that I am believing now that God loves transformation even more than I do. He wants to make us like Jesus. I have heard that and known that for years but now I am realizing how delightful and beautiful that is. I always thought about it from a more external perspective, as in, we are supposed to act like Him. But to realize we can learn how to be like Him on the inside; to think like Him, to love like Him, to have His joy and His hope and His wisdom. Talk about healthy! :)

Favorite quotes from "The Life You've Always Wanted." Finished it.

Now, with God's help, I shall become myself. ~ Soren Kierkgaard

I could not quiet that pearly ache in my heart that I diagnosed as the cry of home. ~Pat Conroy

The primary goal of spiritual life is transformation....If we cannot be transformed, we will settle for being informed or conformed. ~ John Ortberg

Tragically, conventional religious goodness manages to be both intimidating and unchallenging at the same time. ~ Steven Mosley

A Christian is a perfectly free lord of all, subject to none.
A Christian is a perfectly dutiful servant of all, subject to all.
~Martin Luther

Joy is the serious business of heaven. ~CS Lewis

God is the happiest being in the universe...And God's intent was that his creation would mirror his joy....Joy is a command. Joylessness is a serious sin, one that religious people are particularly prone to indulge in...Joy is strength. Its absence will create weakness.~John Ortberg

We are all worms. But I do believe I am a glowworm. ~ Winston Churchhill

If the Bible were to completely fulfill its mission, our minds would be so transformed - so filled with thoughts and feelings of truth, love, joy, and humility - that our lives would become one uninterrupted series of acts of grace and moral beauty. ~ John Ortberg

It's morphing time. ~John Ortberg

Singing Heart

I am so very much rejoicing right now!

Something I have been longing for, for years, is happening.

I usually miss these moments.

I worry that it is not REALLY happening.

Or that it won't last.

Not this time. God is doing it.

I am just rejoicing.

Update

So, I was driving into work today, feeling like a failure. Because I am failing. And I realized my failures do not diminish God's love for me one bit. He still loves me passionately. And that is enough for me to have joy and even be content in the midst of my failure. He will not fail to make me who He wants me to be. I am willing, He is able. It is amazing to me that my best is good enough for Him, even when it isn't good at all.

Thank you LORD that my life is not about me, it is about You!

Ugg...

I am not good at this denying myself stuff. I got on the computer last night. I was bored and cranky and pretty much out of control with every area of my life. I yelled at my kids, ate a bunch of cookies I didn't even want and then came and got on the computer. Not for long. Jason came and told me the longer I was on here the worse I would feel and made me get off. So I went and ate some more cookies. Good thing I am not fasting! :)

I am going to restart again today. I didn't check my emails before I got on here to confess my failures and I am getting off right now!

Oh and I also have to complain that there was a big tub of yogurt in my cupboard this morning, I guess I should have been paying a little bit more attention as my children put the groceries away, but really, they don't know yogurt goes in the fridge yet???

It may be a VERY long day! I better go pray some more...

Glory

I was feeling badly this morning because I prayed last night, in front of some people, and I thanked God that it is through surrendering to Him, bending our knees and our wills to Him, that we receive everything we have always wanted. I went on to acknowledge that for me, anyway, it is through brokenness that I receive joy. When I allow my heart to be broken by my sin and unlikeness to Christ, He strengthens and encourages me. He changes me and that gives me great joy. I am fine with all that, but then I went on to thank Him that He came to earth in brokenness and not with pomp and glory like we would. And I am feeling badly because that is not true. He did come in glory and He was not broken. But He came in His kind of glory, not ours. He made himself vulnerable and He put himself in situations and He responded in ways that made people think He was weak or arrogant or extreme. He let Himself be misunderstood, by people He loved dearly. He went to the Cross. He only cared about doing the will of the Father. That is true glory. I want to be like that.

His will. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.

(That was in the book I am reading called Sacred Rhythms and I loved it!)

Help me Lord, I am soooooo far from that right now...

So...

if I talk my family into reading my emails to me, is that cheating? ;)

Practicing, Day 1

What a lovely morning. Other than my slight headache from staying up until 1:00 am. We just ate sausage and biscuits and my mom's fresh eggs. Oh and grapefruit and coffee and are getting ready to take a walk.

And nope, I did not check my emails when I got on the computer to write this. And it wasn't even hard. Of course, this is hour two, of day one, so I am assuming it will get much harder.

I read part of "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg this morning. I thought I had read it, but if I did, it must not have been the right time, because I am LOVING it now and I don't even remember it from before.

Anyway, there were a couple things I found very encouraging because I am not a very disciplined person by nature. First off, he said Abraham Lincoln was "notoriously disorganized." Abe had a file in his law office labeled"If you can't find it anywhere else, try looking here." I put a smiley face by that!

Then John wrote this, "A disciplined follower of Jesus-a "disciple"- is not someone who has "mastered the disciplines" and never misses a daily regimen of spiritual exercises. A disciplined follower of Jesus is someone who discerns when laughter, gentleness, silence, healing words, or prophetic indignation is called for, and offers it promptly, effectively, and lovingly."

I can be excited about that!