Calmness

I embarrassed myself recently. Not just my average, slightly embarrassed because I said something slightly stupid. Nope, this was one of those deep, painful, embarrassments when death sounds preferable to walking among other humans again. I was really surprised at how I reacted. I hit the floor, praying. I cried out to my Lord to come sooth my soul. He was sweet, and let me feel His presence almost immediately.

Me: Oh Lord, please teach me how to be quiet!!!!

Him: (In my spirit, something like) Smiling slightly, "Child, you don't necessarily have to be quieter. You do need to be calm."

And then I just rested in His presence and let His peace flow until I was healed of the pain.

Then I asked Him to teach me wisdom with my words and that there would be way less idle ones. And I remembered the whole 'quiet means calm' thing I posted about last time. I am thinking it was very wise of Him to put calmness with rejoicing. In my case, they seem to desperately need each other.

And don't ask me what I was embarrassed about, I won't tell you. :)

Tradin it In!

I went to a women's seminar this weekend and I want to share my favorite part. One of the teachers explained the greek definition of "quiet and gentle" from the passage about women in one of Peter's letters. Quiet meant, "calm" or "tranquil" and gentle meant, "anger far from me".

This is very exciting to me because it fits so well with what God has been speaking to me about rejoicing. I saw a chart some time ago and it showed underlying emotions for different personalities. If I remember right, they were; fear, peace, optimism and I know mine was anger. I totally identified with that. Anger has been my fuel since I was ten. Not an out-of-control anger, but an underlying anger that moved me to go in certain directions.

So now I can see that God is asking me to trade all that anger in for rejoicing! To have rejoicing be my fuel instead of anger. What a wonderful trade! Of course this is a process, so I may still rant and rave and fuss and fume occasionally, but hopefully, there will be a whole lot more rejoicing and trusting my wonderful God to make things right.

Possiblities

Yesterday I woke up in a Super Bad Mood, wanted to kill the dogs and maim my husband (he woke me up a couple too many times during the night) and prayed like crazy and had a wonderful day. This morning I woke up in a Super Good Mood and am hoping I still have a good day? Better still pray like crazy. Right after I am done blogging. :) I have been having all sorts of fun questions rolling around in my head lately. What does it look like to "inquire of the Lord"? Actually, what does it look like to be answered after one does inquire? And I am extremely excited about the rejoicing thing. It must be possible to rejoice even in the worst of suffering or Jesus would not have told us we would have trouble but also to rejoice. I am believing there is a whole world of possibilities and wonder available to me that I never thought was possible.

Is there anything you think God wants to give you that your lack of belief is preventing?

Goals

So, I just read this book called "Wild Goose Chase". I really liked it. But at the end he challenged us to have goals and I am wrestling with that. I used to have lots of goals. The ones that didn't happen frustrated me and the ones that did, would have happened whether I planned for them or not. I just tended to think I got some credit since I met the goal. I have pretty much decided to do my best to follow the Spirit each day and see what God does. That has been way more fun and much more satisfying. Am I missing out by not having goals? My only goal now is to please God and figure out what love is and how to do it. And that will cover about the next 80 years and then I don't have to try and sort this stuff out anymore. Hmm...

First Day of School

Got the kids off to school. The two little ones got the teachers we were hoping for. Yay!

Jason came home early because he isn't feeling good, so Meet the Parents (a horrible movie in my opinion) is invading the first blogging time I have had in three months. That's ok, it is better than listening to him throw up in the bathroom. :) He has the scariest sounding pukes I have ever heard. Ok, TMI.

I had a lady tell me today that I radiate peace. I have never been told that before! It reminds me of the first time someone told me I was very loving. God can perform miracles, that is for certain.

I have been thinking about rejoicing a LOT lately though. I can't imagine a life filled with rejoicing. FULL of it. ALWAYS? really... Doesn't that sound fun?

Significance

WHEW!

BIG HAPPY SIGH.

September is finally here. A new season.

Devin started football. He is so excited. He doesn't get excited a lot, so that is fun. I was thinking about it on my way from dropping him off for practice. I want to talk to him about why he is excited. I think because he is doing something that his dad and I are excited about and other parents, kids and teachers are all excited about, so it feels important. I want to explain to him about the cloud of witnesses that are watching our lives. Cheering us on, hoping we won't give up. The game of life we are in. Being part of something that matters. Something that makes a difference, forever. I hope he gets it, but even if he doesn't I was happy to be thinking those thoughts! I want to play my part well...

Love and the hope of heaven

I was thinking about changing my blog name from "Learning to Live", to "Learning to Love". I am not sure I have time for both. And loving seems the most important biblically. I am alive in Christ already, whether I feel like it or not. Loving is really, really hard. I am not even completely sure what it is yet. Speaking of which, I have been pondering what these verses mean the last couple of days, Col 1:4 For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, 5 which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven. Why would our confident hope of what God has reserved for us in heaven cause us to love? That is so weird to me. Unless we love everyone in their imperfections (including ourselves) now because we know we will all be perfected in heaven? Or we don't worry about people loving us back because we know everything will be made right in heaven? I can see serving and obeying God because of what He has reserved for us in heaven, but loving? I am sure God will explain it to me sooner or later.

This was the only other thing I have written over the summer.

I told my son that I know he has not learned to love God with his whole heart yet and the parts of his heart that don’t love God make him weak. I realized that is the same with all of us, young or old. It is the parts of us that haven’t learned to love and trust God yet that the enemy uses against us...

Blogging Again

I was trying to wait until September, but I just went over to Darla's house and helped her with her blog a tiny bit and it got me itching to do something with mine. I have missed blogging. But as you can see from my previous post, I didn't have much good in my heart to share with you anyway. Hopefully the fall will be more inspirational. :)

summer

This has been a hard summer.

Both of my sisters moved away.

My wonderful kids were always home.

So, I had no time to myself.

I love time. I am still too selfish with it.

I have had to believe by faith that God loves me,

Instead of feeling it flow all around and over me.

That has been the hardest part.