Loving Him...

My family is going through a very hard time right now. I don't want to go into details publicly. I just want to say how amazing God is. He keeps showing up in so many little ways. The other day I was wishing there were more birds in our yard. Right now, I am sitting at my kitchen table while a pair of doves build a nest in our wisteria, right outside the window. And He knows doves cooing are one of my favorite sounds. I have been all stressed out about which purse to buy (not that I am super concerned about that now that we are in crisis) but my friend sent me one that I love, unexpectedly. And the sun is shining with the wind blowing just a little bit, which is my favorite weather. But most of all, I feel my God teaching me to trust Him more. Trusting that He loves me and delights in my love (as small as it is) and has good plans for my life and for my family, no matter how painful they are. And that makes everything right.

Why do we reject God's ways????

I keep thinking about these verses: This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. (Is 30:15) I could be living with a quiet, trusting, restful, strong heart and mind. I have moments of that, but I don't LIVE there. And I could. It is a choice. I want to learn to make better choices. I don't want to neglect the repentance either. That is were it all starts. Instead of freaking out in insecurity because I am sure I am sinning or afraid I am sinning, I can go straight to my Savior and start this beautiful repentance process. I can do it all day long, if I need to. He is big enough. And patient enough. And loving enough. And He wants us to live in strength and dignity. He died so we could be free and in fellowship with Him. I want to choose LIFE!!!!!!!!

Under Whose Influence?

So, I don't like revelations that make me see the ugly parts of me as much as I like revelations that show the wonderfulness of God.

The good thing is He is willing to exchange our ugly for His beauty if we are willing to cooperate.

I have realized lately that I try and "steer" people a lot. Only for their own good, of course. (insert eye-roll here) I am guessing that another label for that could be arrogance. Ugg, I feel like banging my head on the wall just writing that.

I have gotten better, because I used to try and "steer" people into doing what I wanted and now I try and steer them into doing what I think God wants. I have realized He is perfectly capable of guiding His people without my help.

Well, actually, there are times when He does call me to influence but I want to influence under His command, not my own wisdom. My own wisdom does not see the whole picture, only a tiny piece. If He tells me to speak I want to obey, whether it makes sense or not. If I don't feel prompted by Him, I want to keep my mouth shut and my heart pure and trust Him to lead His people however He sees fit.

I am hoping not too many of you are jumping up and down, praising Him for revealing this to me. :)

Not worthy, but so grateful.

I have to blog about this because I don't ever want to forget it. And I don't want anyone to think I am bragging because I am humbled to the core (right now, anyway) and so amazed at God's mercy and love. Keep in mind my daughter has one of the sweetest hearts on earth as well.

Laney: Mama, you're the best mom on earth!

Me: You mean for you, right? I know there are better moms out there than me!

Laney: No, I mean you are the best mom on earth.

Me: Baby, I am not even nice!

Laney: Mom, I don't know how to say it. (thoughtful pause) It's not who you are as a mom, it's like who you are as a person, even though you are crabby a lot!

I never thought my kids would esteem me so highly. Not ever. I am so grateful. And I know the teen-age years are coming, so I am treasuring this moment.

:)

I am feeling very full today. Satisfied with life. I am going to enjoy it like crazy. I am LOVING the new Breaking Free study, although I am driving myself to distraction trying to decide if I am really free or not. But today I am just going to believe that I am. I am alive and free because of what Jesus did for me! He is making me like Himself and He will not fail. And I am going to be choose to be content with where I am in the process. Today. At least this morning. :)

Obsessing about Salt

Funny how it took me a couple hours to realize that Salt and Light go together. :)

I read this yesterday morning and am still thinking about it: Luke 14:31 “Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? 32 And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. 33 So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.
34 “Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? 35 Flavorless salt is good neither for the soil nor for the manure pile. It is thrown away. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!”

Now, we have heard teachings on salt but I still think it is weird that Jesus is talking about counting the cost of being His disciple and then He starts talking about salt. And it isn't like they started out talking about salt, or food, or preserving stuff and came back to it. He just jumps right into talking about salt. Could it be we are only truly salt after we have given up everything that we think we own and followed Him obsessively? Lots to ponder...

Longing for Light

Luke 11:34 34 “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is bad, your body is filled with darkness. 35 Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. 36 If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.”

I really want to know what those verses mean. I am wondering if they are about how we look at situations and people in our lives? If we see them in God's light or not? In the light of His love or not? In the light of His truth or not?

I want my whole life to be radiant!

Here's my hope: Psalm 18:28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. Yay!

Time's A-flyin'

Whew, I can't believe it has been a week since Retreat already. It went by so fast. I am still observing the changes that God has made in my heart. I feel stronger in a quiet, peaceful way. And that is good because crazy things started happening before we even left Camp Bradley!

I think my favorite thing about the Retreat was seeing the women relate to each other. I have never seen them appear so comfortable and open with each other. My prayer is always that they would minister to one another because that is what the Church is all about. This year, they did. The baptisms were unforgettable and will be special to me for eternity, I believe.

Today the weather is beautiful, my husband is patiently (yes, a small miracle) teaching Devin how to mow the lawn and I am about to go get groceries and then we are going to go to my brothers and eat the small number of morel mushrooms that we gathered from our all-day search in the sunshine yesterday.

I love Spring. I love God. I love it when everything feels good and right. I have learned to enjoy those times...

My prayer at the moment, thanks Tammy!

"O Lord, work powerfully, creatively; move in majesty. Send the Divine communication of knowledge, send the impelling mental force of the Holy Spirit acting within us to overshadow our intellect and personalities. Come in power, for Jesus' sake. Amen" ~A.W. Tozer

Kinda strange but I like it!

I have been running very hot and cold with the blogging lately. Sorry about that. Our Women's Retreat is in a week and a half and I have been super busy. I wanted to get on here this morning and write about a verse I can't quit thinking about though.

Psalm 85:10Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.

I have been on a quest for peace the last month or so and I keep thinking about this verse. What does it mean Lord? The only thing I have come up with is that from His unfailing love and faithfulness, He gives us His righteousness and His peace, if we are His. It may mean more, but that is what I have been thinking about.

I keep picturing righteousness and peace being strong enough and comfortable enough to kiss in my soul. And yes, I do find that a little weird but what a wonderful thing to think about. For so long, I did not understand that Jesus gives us His righteousness and I was in despair, knowing I would never have any of my own. And as far as peace goes, that would be just as impossible without Him. If you know me at all you know I am not a peaceful person on my own.

I LOVE how He gives us what we are so desperate for! And that is after He makes us desperate for the truly good stuff in the first place...

Philippians 2:13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.