Monday, October 27, 2008

Confidence vs Arrogance

I am feeling weird this morning. Learning balance in life is really difficult. I spent so many years hating myself and not having to worry at all about appearing arrogant, now that I am starting to like who God made me to be and enjoy my life, I feel weird. Almost like I grew another arm and I am not sure what to do with it.

He showed me a while ago that I need to quit worrying about appearing arrogant and just be concerned with actually being arrogant. That helped for a long time, but the happier I get, the more I don't know how to act. One of my friends and I were talking about how it almost seems wrong to be happy. Not to appear happy, but to claim we are truly, deeply happy. Happy to be alive, happy to be God's, happy to have the life that He gave us.

I used to think I would have to be pretty close to perfect to be happy. I am not sure I have even acheived goodness yet (as in the fruit of the Spirit, goodness), I am just learning to trust that God will complete His work in me, that nothing is impossible for Him, and that makes me feel so hopeful and secure. And of course, two hours from now I could be all upset about something again, blech, like the mouthful of coffee grounds that my new, sub-par french press created. Deep, I know.

1 comment:

Birgit said...

There is such great testimony here of the road you have been on with God,where He has taken you from a place of discontent to a place where you enjoy your life and where you feel "so hopeful and secure." This is so good, and such a witness of the joy God builds in our lives. For me, your happiness here reminds me of God's goodness :)