Loving Him...

My family is going through a very hard time right now. I don't want to go into details publicly. I just want to say how amazing God is. He keeps showing up in so many little ways. The other day I was wishing there were more birds in our yard. Right now, I am sitting at my kitchen table while a pair of doves build a nest in our wisteria, right outside the window. And He knows doves cooing are one of my favorite sounds. I have been all stressed out about which purse to buy (not that I am super concerned about that now that we are in crisis) but my friend sent me one that I love, unexpectedly. And the sun is shining with the wind blowing just a little bit, which is my favorite weather. But most of all, I feel my God teaching me to trust Him more. Trusting that He loves me and delights in my love (as small as it is) and has good plans for my life and for my family, no matter how painful they are. And that makes everything right.

Why do we reject God's ways????

I keep thinking about these verses: This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. (Is 30:15) I could be living with a quiet, trusting, restful, strong heart and mind. I have moments of that, but I don't LIVE there. And I could. It is a choice. I want to learn to make better choices. I don't want to neglect the repentance either. That is were it all starts. Instead of freaking out in insecurity because I am sure I am sinning or afraid I am sinning, I can go straight to my Savior and start this beautiful repentance process. I can do it all day long, if I need to. He is big enough. And patient enough. And loving enough. And He wants us to live in strength and dignity. He died so we could be free and in fellowship with Him. I want to choose LIFE!!!!!!!!

Under Whose Influence?

So, I don't like revelations that make me see the ugly parts of me as much as I like revelations that show the wonderfulness of God.

The good thing is He is willing to exchange our ugly for His beauty if we are willing to cooperate.

I have realized lately that I try and "steer" people a lot. Only for their own good, of course. (insert eye-roll here) I am guessing that another label for that could be arrogance. Ugg, I feel like banging my head on the wall just writing that.

I have gotten better, because I used to try and "steer" people into doing what I wanted and now I try and steer them into doing what I think God wants. I have realized He is perfectly capable of guiding His people without my help.

Well, actually, there are times when He does call me to influence but I want to influence under His command, not my own wisdom. My own wisdom does not see the whole picture, only a tiny piece. If He tells me to speak I want to obey, whether it makes sense or not. If I don't feel prompted by Him, I want to keep my mouth shut and my heart pure and trust Him to lead His people however He sees fit.

I am hoping not too many of you are jumping up and down, praising Him for revealing this to me. :)

Not worthy, but so grateful.

I have to blog about this because I don't ever want to forget it. And I don't want anyone to think I am bragging because I am humbled to the core (right now, anyway) and so amazed at God's mercy and love. Keep in mind my daughter has one of the sweetest hearts on earth as well.

Laney: Mama, you're the best mom on earth!

Me: You mean for you, right? I know there are better moms out there than me!

Laney: No, I mean you are the best mom on earth.

Me: Baby, I am not even nice!

Laney: Mom, I don't know how to say it. (thoughtful pause) It's not who you are as a mom, it's like who you are as a person, even though you are crabby a lot!

I never thought my kids would esteem me so highly. Not ever. I am so grateful. And I know the teen-age years are coming, so I am treasuring this moment.